you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize