he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
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Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
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"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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