You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
