Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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