remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
