Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.