Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
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I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!