drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better