i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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