how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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