remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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