I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
