Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
