I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize