I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
