It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Boobs speak an international language.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
