cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
