so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
