why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
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Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
not ubering you a puppy
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Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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