I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
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My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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