we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
