I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
