We're like a lot better than the average bears
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
