I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
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