btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
