Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize