I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
