he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
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i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
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i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
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