Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
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