im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
