im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
