I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dicks are not precious.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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