Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
