a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
