so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
