just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
