Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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