the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
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he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
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Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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