my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
