I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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