He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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