Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
