I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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