Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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