halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
