Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
