Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
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Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
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You dont lie about slip and slides
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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