im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
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