I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
