This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
