I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
