I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
