I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
