I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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