a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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