what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
