Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
