actually, I'm a sock model
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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