I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
